The Cost of War
by i fancy some honeydukes
Summary: An overview of what the Marauders lost during the long war against Voldemort.


I really hope you like this. It took a lot out of me to write this. I love the Marauder Era, its characters are just _so_ captivating, and we don't even meet half of them! JKR owns, per usual. cheers!

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Prongs

James had lost. His parents were first. When he joined the Order, he knew a time would come where all his loved ones were in danger. He told his parents he joined the order, because he wanted them to know the truth if he disappeared. James didn't want them to have an empty grave with a plain tombstone because they didn't know where there son was or how he had died. He wanted them to know that if he died, he died fighting for freedom for them, for his friends, for people he didn't even know. For Lily, his pregnant wife, the person (people) that meant the world to him. He didn't anticipate that _they_ might go after his parents. And they did. All of them, the entire Order, Remus, Peter, Sirius. They all had to hold him back and take his wand to keep him from hunting down the sorry sons-of-bitches that had killed his mum and dad and left the Dark Mark hovering over their house. It was his fault, he knew. His fault for facing Voldemort and getting away alive. It was Lily who saved him. It was always Lily who saved him. Barely a week after his parents were found murdered in their bed, hers were too. That was another loss. His poor baby would have no grandparents. Though they were grown up and fighting, he and his wife were orphans. They were orphans together. Her mum and dad were family to him, and now all they had was each other and their baby that was due any day now. He couldn't go off and hunt the cowards that had the gall to kill their families. He had to stay and protect the only family he had left. His biggest loss, though, was on Halloween, in 1981. When the door was blasted down, he felt the loss. He had lost one of his best friends, one of his brothers had betrayed him and his wife and his child to the most dangerous wizard on the planet. He lost one of his brothers that night. Though he stood, as a man should, before the dangerous man, he felt the grief course through him. His wife, his beautiful wife, who he was supposed to grow old with, would not survive tonight. His son, his Harry, would die tonight, barely a year old. James Potter knew what it was to feel loss.

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Wormtail

Peter had lost some. He lost when Dorcas Meadowes, the only girl he ever loved, was killed by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. All of his self, his soul, his heart died that night he found out. After that, it was all down from there. He had lost a whole life he had built for himself. He lost his three best friends, though none knew, the night he took the mark. Peter lost his brothers, and they didn't even know it yet. He lost all hope and all self respect that night. He saw himself for the rat he really was. James and Lily were killed, and although it was his doing, he cried and cried and cried that night. When Sirius went after him the next day, he didn't want to fight. He wanted to live. If he could have run away without framing Sirius like that, without losing him like that, he would have run. But he couldn't. Losing Sirius was the only way he could keep Remus, at least in his mind. If he hadn't lost Sirius, Sirius would have quickly told Remus of the terrible, terrible things he had done to keep himself and his mother alive. How he had sold out James and Lily and Harry to save his way of life. He became a coward. He lost all right to call himself a Gryffindor. Peter Pettigrew suffered a degree of loss, too.

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Padfoot

Sirius lost most. It seemed like from the beginning looking from the end, all Sirius had known was loss. He lost his family, and though he always hated him, he could never forget them. He could never forget the little brother he loved so dearly, even though he spoke of him with contempt. Sirius loved his cousins, Cissy and Bella, even though Bella was crazy and a murderer, when the rumors proved true. Who would protect Cissy from all the craziness of the House of Black, now that he and Andy were gone? He lost the same as James, when Henry and Lorraine Potter were killed. They had been his parents, too since he was twelve. It just wasn't fair that wonderful, caring people like them were killed by people like his insane cousin Bella. He knew so, so much loss when Marlene McKinnon was murdered. Coming to visit her, at her parents' house and seeing the Dark Mark hovering over it. Knowing that inside, he would find the body of his girlfriend, her parents, and her three young siblings. That loss, was cruel, it was terrible. He couldn't go to the funeral, no matter how much his friends, how much the rest of the Order begged. He couldn't face the fact that she was lost to him. Two days after her funeral, he rode his bike, the bike that she used to love to _fly_ on so much, to the cemetery. He walked in, stared at her grave for what seemed like an eternity, and dropped the shiny diamond ring next to her headstone. Barely a month later, loss found him again. Absolute _grief_ consumed him for a fraction of a second as he sat in his safe place. He left. When he saw their house, when he saw their _bodies_, he let out a cry so loud he was sure someone would find him and kill him. But their son, his little one year old godson was alive. As much as it ripped him apart, if giving baby Harry to the Muggles was best for him, he would lose Harry too. Two of his best friends. _Three_ of his best friends. Pettigrew was dead to him, too. And he would make sure that soon enough, Pettigrew was dead to the rest of the world as well. In Azkaban, loss was all he saw. At this point, Remus was lost to him. He looked completely guilty. He knew he was innocent, but he kept seeing them in his mind. He kept seeing Marlene's Marked house. Her dead body, laid down in front of her brothers and sisters tiny bodies. James and Lily's destroyed house, the rubble falling all around their still-opened eyes. He saw the two nights over and over. He kept revisiting Marlene's grave and leaving her ring, over and over again. Loss. He didn't kill Pettigrew. Thirteen years of waiting , and the rat had escaped. Now he lost Harry all over again. Now he was trapped in another kind of prison. The one where he was so close to freedom, but couldn't be. The one where he fought in the same war that had taken his surrogate parents, his future wife, his best friend. That's why he jumped at the chance to escape that prison, to make the Ministry see that Voldemort was back, so he could leave his prison and they could end this war. And he had to save Harry. Harry and Remus. They were all he had left of his old life that had once been so _full._ As he fell through the veil, he thought about all he had lost. He was, returning to most of his life, all he had lost.

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Moony

Remus lost it all. Should he have expected any less? He lost all hope of ever being normal. Greyback had taken that from him. Every month, he lost control. Every month, for one night, he wanted to kill his friends, his family. He lost an entire life. He thought, for some time, he had gained friends. And he did, for the time. In his 7th year, he lost the title of Head Boy. Bad enough a werewolf was being educated at Hogwarts, but the Board wouldn't have it, having a werewolf as a _role model_, not for the other students. He lost when his first girlfriend, Lacy Travers left him because she found out he was a werewolf. Thank Merlin James had the sound mind to Obliviate her. He lost when his fiancé Amiee Bones was found dead with the rest of her family. He thought she had been safe from Voldemort because he never told her he was affiliated with the Order. Her father, unfortunately, was also affiliated with the Order, something Amiee hadn't told him in an effort to protect _him._ When James and Lily died...he thought he had lost _everything_. In his world, three of his best friends were dead, and one was a traitor. It was the right idea, he later found out, just the wrong labels assigned to the wrong people. Their deaths were devastating. Never again would he find people he so desperately loved. Never again would he find anyone he was willing to die for. He wished again and again that James had made him Secret Keeper, because he would have died for them. He would have died a thousand painful deaths for them. When he found out Sirius was innocent, it was like he was breathing again for the first time in thirteen years. Peter- _Pettigrew-_ being a traitor should have killed him, again, but in his world, Pettigrew had been dead for a long time. Once again, Remus gained a friend, a brother. They could guard James and Lily's son together, keeping him safe for their friends until this war was over. Then it all came crashing down. Sirius was dead. The brother he had gotten back for two short years was gone, this time, permanently. He cried, and was not ashamed, because there is no pain like losing a brother to the same war, twice. He didn't want to love Dora. All the people he loved died or were better off dead. He knew that if he fell in love with Nymphandora Tonks, he lose her too. By that logic, he should have known that he was already in love with her. Both times, when she was courting him, and after they were married, he nearly lost her because of his own foolishness. He couldn't believe he nearly lost her because of someone as wonderful as Teddy. But, in his jaded heart, he knew someday, he would lose Teddy too. When he left for the final battle and told her to stay home, he knew it wouldn't happen. His son, his beautiful son was going to lose one of his parents tonight, and he was afraid that it might not be him. When Dolohov sent a beam of purple light towards him, he knew he was going to die a slow death. He only hoped- no, no hope. He watched as Dora ran towards her husband's body, him, and caught him before he could hit the floor. He watched, wincing in pain at the battle around him, but only saw and heard his wife's broken sobs. He died seconds before his wife, whom he was so terrified of losing, was murdered from behind by her own aunt. His friends, his family, his wife and his little son: Remus had lost everything.

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_Trouvé_

When James, Lily, Sirius, and Remus came down to the world they had lost so much in, they no longer felt loss. They had each other again. When they came to comfort Harry, to give him advice before he walked to his death, they knew what words to say to him. The three Marauders had suffered through enough loss to know that it was all worth it in the end. They knew that no matter what or whom you lost in that world, you would see them again, someday. They knew that love was deep enough to move on to the next world. All the ones they had lost in their too short lives were found. Lily and the three Marauders knew that there was no way to avoid feeling loss, if their hearts were filled with love.

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Review? Feedback is welcomed with open arms. _Trouvé _just means _found_ in French. Thanks for reading!


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